my beautiful hypocrite
by a beautiful catastrophe
Summary: flaws make up who you are, and without those flaws you wouldn't be you. i love you, marlene, and i wouldn't change you for the world.


**my beautiful** **hypocrite.**  
_the story of people  
who wouldn't be  
forgotten for a  
very long  
time._

.

**prologue;**  
_in which we introduce our not-so-lovely heroine and hero - sirius&marlene._

They meet each other in their first year, and it's not a pleasant experience.

He accidentally slams into her when pushed by his soon to be best friend, James Potter (who was also soon to be known as the most arrogant and immature git of the century by a certain fiery red).

"Oh my Godric!" she exclaims angrily, "that's the second time that's happened to me today! Who on Merlin's bloody earth do you think you are?"

"I'm actually Merlin's gift to the people. The name's Sirius Black, love. And yours?" he asks with a self-confident smirk, obviously trying to impress her.

Instead of falling for his 'charm', she stomps her foot down on his toe.

"Ow! What's your problem, blondie?" he exclaims, the charm in his voice falls away and is replaced by annoyance.

"You're my problem!" she spits at him, hands on her hips.

James has an amused smile across his face until she shoots a death glare at him. He immediately pulls a face appropriate to the face of a person attending a funeral.

"What's your name?" she demands.

"I- er-"

"Do you have a speech disability or something?" she asks impatiently.

"I-no!"

"Well get on with it, then, what's your name?"

"James, ah, Potter."

"Well, James, I'm Marlene. Make sure to keep your friend over there in line, or I'll slap both you and him senseless. I'm sure I'll see you around."

And with that, she flounces off, leaving a dumbstruck James and an injured Sirius behind.

"She has a problem." Sirius says.

"She does." James agrees.

* * *

**i. and so this whole catastrophe begins;  
**_in which marlene mckinnon became the first girl sirius hadn't cheated on._

Rumour had spread around quickly.

_D'you know that McKinnon girl?_

_Who?_

_The bitchy sixth year with nice hair? The one that Sirius Black asked out two weeks ago?_

_Yeah? What about her?_

_He hasn't cheated on her! And it's been two weeks! A record!_

_Are you joking? Is this Sirius Black we're talking about?_

_I know! You don't think this is going to become an actual serious relationship, do you?_

_Ha, no way in hell will this become a serious thing. I mean, it's Black and McKinnon, for Godric's sake._

Everyone was surprised - Sirius Black, professional heartbreaker hadn't cheated on Marlene McKinnon, Hogwarts' resident bitch.

And they'd been together for two weeks already.

When Marlene was asked if she thought that Sirius had cheated on her, she responded with, _nah, he wouldn't do that. likes me too much for that. if one of us were cheating on the other, it'd probably be me._

Then they asked if she even cared about Sirius.

_Damned good snog, he is. He's a good catch. _She'd say with a laugh.

They gaped and stuttered. But she was Marlene McKinnon, and she didn't give a damn. (Or so they thought.)

* * *

**ii. tell me what to do;**  
_in which marlene gets insecure for the first time in forever._

They have a fight. It was bound to happen.

_Are you cheating on me, Sirius?_

_What the fuck, Marlene?_

_Are you? Just tell me. I won't get pissed or anything._

_I'm not cheating on you. Why the hell would you ask me something like that? Do you not trust me?_

_Actually, I don't trust you. I mean, you've given me no reason to._

_We've been together for a month! And ever since this relationship started, I haven't laid a hand on any other girl!_

_Yeah, well, that didn't stop you from staring at Melissa Clark's fat arse, the other day._

_I wasn't staring at her arse! I was asking her what we had to do for Potions! She's my partner for that class anyway!_

_Asking that to her arse, you mean._

_Fucking hell! What's wrong with you?_

_Plenty, Black. Do you want me to name all of my problems?_

_Go to hell, McKinnon!_

_And while I do, I'll drag you down with me._

_Bitch!_

_Man-whore!_

_Fuck you!_

_I'd rather you fuck yourself!_

He storms out of the common room, with all eyes on him.

_Fuck, _she curses, _What did I just do? Fuck, fuck, fuck._

She runs after, him, but he's no where to be found. Until she finds him walking out from the Slytherin Common Room. For what reason, she doesn't know.

She tugs his hand from behind."Sirius, I'm sorry, I-"

"Regulus, actually."

Marlene immediately lets go of the-guy-called-Regulus-who-is-not-Sirius's hand.

"Uhm. Hi." she says awkwardly.

"You're Marlene McKinnon, I assume. My brother's girlfriend." he look exactly like Sirius, apart from the fact that his hair is neater, his facial features more haughty, and he speaks more formally.

"Your brother's almost not girlfriend anymore, really."

"Trouble in paradise?"

"Trouble in hell."

He cracks a smile. "Come to me for advice?"

"No, actually, I came to find Sirius, but I suppose help would be nice." she concedes.

He leads her to the kitchens for the first time, and she stares around at it in awe. She has no words for how wonderful the kitchens are - they're amazing.

"What, my brother hasn't ever taken you here?" he asks with a raised eyebrow.

"No, actually."

"That's surprising."

He gets her to sit down on the edge of the kitchen bench with him.

"So. Advice? Tell me what to do." she says, pushing a golden curl behind her ear.

"Sirius...he's very...strong, passionate about the things he says. A very strong character, you could say. How mad is he at you?" he asks, deliberating on what he should say.

"Very angry...we had an argument about cheating. I...uhm...accused him of cheating on me."

"Just give him time to calm down. He'll come through." Regulus says with not a hint of doubt in his voice.

"Really?" she asks, unsure.

"Really." he says.

She doesn't really know or want to thank him for a couple of words, so instead, she says, "You look so much like him."

"Who? Sirius?"

"Yeah."

Marlene reaches out and rumples up his hair.

"There," she says, "you look crazily like him, now."

"You messed up my hair!" he exclaims, frowning.

He looks so much like Sirius. So much that she can't help herself from leaning over and kissing him. He immediately pulls away.

"What," he starts with raised eyebrows, "the fuck was that?"

"Sorry." she whispers. "I couldn't help myself. You looked so much like him, and I-"

"I'm sorry too," he says. "I'm sorry about this."

He kisses her this time, and unlike what he did last time, she doesn't move away. When they're done, she lets out a sigh.

"What the fuck was that?"

"I just needed to forget."

Little do either of them know that this would result in the beginning of a not-so-beautiful relationship.

* * *

**iii. oh, how the guilt burns and shatters the ones left behind;  
**_in which sirius apologizes and marlene does too._

"I'm sorry." Sirius says.

"For what?" Marlene glances up at him with a raised eyebrow, before going back to picking at a thread on her jeans.

"For...yelling at you. For saying what I shouldn't have said. I'm sorry."

Marlene stops picking at the thread, and meets his stormy grey eyes.

"You shouldn't apologize. You don't need to. I said some pretty ugly things there too."

"No, but, Godric-" he lets out a sigh, "-you don't know how bad I feel about saying those things. I overreacted, I was pissed and what the fuck is wrong with me, I-"

"Shut up and stop bloody apologizing for Merlin's sake." she rolls her eyes. "I'm sorry that I accused you of cheating on me." _And I'm also sorry that I snogged your brother because he looked like you and I missed you and I'm sorry, okay? I'm just so sorry. You don't have to stay with me, just break up with me for Godric's sake and please, please, forgive me, I just need you to tell me that you forgive me please please please just say that you forgive me please please no don't say that you hate me you don't hate me do you ohmygodric just let me die let me die please just go away so i can die just let me die. _she adds silently, hoping he understands.

He doesn't. "Don't you start. Don't you say sorry, you hypocrite."

_But I have plenty to be sorry for. Didn't you hear me? Godric, if only I could say what I want to say without being hurt and have my life ruined and just let me go and stop talking to me and break me and kill me and kick me until i'm bleeding and sore and let me die let me die please just go. _"Your hypocrite, y'mean. Your sexy hypocrite."

Sirius lets out a laugh reminiscent of a bark- _kill me i need you to kill me now _-and wraps his arms around her waist. "My beautiful hypocrite."

_godric, you don't understand._

* * *

**iv. watch as the movie called life plays** **on;**  
_in which marlene talks about something being wrong with her._

"Reggie, Godric, this is wrong."

"I know. We should stop, but I..." his finger grazes her cheekbone, "I...Merlin...I don't want to."

She lets out a groan. "I'm not going to be able to resist you if you keep on acting so fucking sexy."

"I'll take that as a compliment." Regulus smirks.

Marlene ignores his comment. "What would Sirius says if he found out? Would you be less cocky then?"

Regulus' smirk vanishes from his face. "He'd hate me. Forever."

"He'd hate me more. He knows I know that you're off limits."

"Bros before hoes, Marls. That's how it was supposed to be." he sighs. "I guess not anymore. Not when both brothers want the same girl."

"The guilt kills me, Reggie. I don't know whether I want you or him anymore. When he kisses me, I think of you. When you kiss me I think of him. Something's wrong with me. Something's _terribly_ wrong with me."

"It's okay to be confused over you like."

"Not if the people you're confused about are brothers."

"That's true. But it doesn't mean that something's wrong with you. Besides, in the end, you'll be his, because..."

"Because?" she prompts.

"Nevermind." he says sadly.

She wants to know what he was about to say, but she knows when to press, and when not to. This isn't the right time or place. She'll get her answers. One day. Some day.

* * *

**v. i just want you to know;  
**_sirius and marlene spend some time with each other._

"Sirius?" Marlene asks tentatively.

"Yeah?"

"D'you think you'd ever be able to hate me?"

Sirius is taken aback by this. "Of course not. Why?"

"I'm just afraid," she starts slowly, "that if I fuck up really, really, badly that you won't ever like me again. I'm scared that if I mess up that you'll never look at me in the same way again, or hold me ever again, or I'll lose you to one of those sluts-"

"If you fuck up really, really badly, at the worst, I'd never talk to you again. But you wouldn't do that, would you? You haven't?"

His last sentence came out as a question, and she wanted to tell him that _yes, she had_, but she didn't. "I haven't."

"Good." he murmured, before giving her a kiss on her nose, her cheek, then her lips.

When they broke apart, he gave her a smile. Not a smile that you would find plastered on the face of a supermodel, but a smile that came rarely, and it was to be treasured. "I just want you to know, Marls," he began, "that Godric, I love you, and I wouldn't change you for the world."

"I love you too, Sirius." she says, and she finds that she's not lying when she says it.

She's not lying, but that doesn't mean she doesn't love someone else as well.

* * *

**vi. waiting, watching, listening to every little sign i see;**  
_in which marlene finds out a thing or two about a guy she thought she knew._

"Just out of curiosity, has anyone ever called you beautiful? Apart from me." Sirius asks, and Marlene has to bite her lip hard to stop laughing. She wasn't beautiful and she knew it.

"Apart from you? Beautiful? Yeah, no. Does being called 'hot' count as being called 'beautiful'?"

Sirius shrugs. "Hot doesn't mean beautiful. Well, it doesn't mean beautiful to _me_. But other people may think otherwise. I know what the difference is between hot and beautiful."

"Not much difference between them though."

"They're pretty different, actually. Hot means you have big tits and a big arse, but beautiful...beautiful is...you."

"Not really." Marlene wrinkles her nose. "I mean, honestly, I don't have much to boast about when it comes to the beauty sector. Unlike you, beauty queen." she says, jabbing him with her elbow.

"Thanks," Sirius says sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "Also, you have plenty to boast about when it comes to your looks."

"Like what?"

"Your eyes. They're beautiful. Countless shades of blue."

"Ha. I don't know what you're talking about."

"Like hell you don't."

"Really, I don't."

"You're weird. Even I notice my own physical attractiveness."

"Because you're a self-absorbed twat."

"Thanks, I feel the love."

"You're welcome."

After that, they fall into a comfortable silence, with Sirius drawing invisible circles with his fingertips on Marlene's hand, and Marlene just waiting. Watching.

"Sirius?" she asks finally, breaking the silence between them.

"Hm?"

"Can I ask you about someone? I don't want to spoil anything between us though, so if you don't feel like talking about it, then forget it."

"Who do you want to know about?"

"Your brother...Regulus, I think his name was." Marlene says, playing dumb.

"Oh." Sirius says quietly. "Reggie. What do you want to know?"

"I just thought it might be hard...you know...to leave behind a brother that you'd known for so long...and maybe you wanted to talk about it."

"Regulus, Godric, when he was younger, oh, how he idolized me. Wanted to be me. Looked up to me and listened to my stories of wizards dueling each other...then came my first year of Hogwarts. He didn't want me to leave. Begged for me to stay, and asked who was going to tell him grand tales of wizards and witches? Of course, I went to Hogwarts despite my brother's insistence that I stay. And when I came back, I had a different ideal to the rest of my family. I liked muggles. Muggleborns. Despised the whole lot of aristocratic purebloods. The first night I came back, Regulus asked me to tell him a story. But it wasn't a story about wizard dueling that I told, it was one of muggle knights riding on horses, going to war. Regulus was confused after I finished - _weren't we, as purebloods, supposed to despise muggles?_ - and so I told him that muggles weren't bad at all. And that'd I made some friends that were muggleborn. He was surprised." Sirius stopped for a moment and let out a sigh, before continuing.

"I told it not to mention it to my dear old parents, who'd have given him and I a severe beating if they had found out what I'd told him. A couple of months past, then it was Regulus' turn to go to Hogwarts. He was sorted into Slytherin, as you might know. He was swept up in the world of Slytherin pureblood politics, believing the delusion that because he was pureblooded, he was royalty. After that year, when we came back, things had changed. He no longer wanted to listen to my tales regarding muggles, or anything to do with muggles. I tried so hard to save him from this life of delusion, but in the end, my efforts were worth nothing - I ran away from home. And shortly after that, he was made a death eater."

"I'm sorry." Marlene swallowed the bile that was rising in her throat. _Regulus was a death eater?_

"Nothing that you should be sorry about." Sirius said sadly, and it killed her inside to see him so upset.

She shouldn't have brought the subject up. But she didn't regret it.

* * *

**vii. oblivion is sweet, and realization is** **bitter;**  
_in which marlene and regulus have a talk._

"I never want to see your face again, Regulus."

"That's a little hard, seeing as you see me in the face of my brother everyday."

"I'm not joking, Regulus, you pathetic coward."

Regulus realizes Marlene is being serious.

"What did I do?" he asks, unaware that he'd done something wrong.

"You and I - _we_, will never be in a serious relationship. You're just a kid, for Godric's sake. Did you really think this would become something more than a fling?" Her words pierce into him like the force of a thousand daggers, and she can feel the bad taste of lies in her mouth.

"I- what- Marlene, what the fuck are you on about?"

"You were right, Regulus. Sirius and I would end up together in the end. You've chosen your path, and I've chosen mine."

"I don't understand. What are you talking about?"

"This." she yanks up the sleeve of his robe on his left arm, and scowls at the mark there, in the shape of a skull.

"Marlene...I..." his words are no longer coherent, _no, no, no, how the hell did she find out? no, i can't lose marlene, not now... _"You...I...you don't understand."

"Like hell I don't."

"I...need you to stay...don't go..."

She leaves, with the slam of the door. The only trace that she'd entered the room was the faint scent of vanilla and spice.

* * *

**viii.** **forgetting**  
_in which marlene can't get over when sirius smiles._

Marlene never talks to Regulus again.

She tries to forget him, and for some time it works. She forgets the way his lips move against hers, the way he was so eloquent around anyone else but her...she forgets the parts of him that she loved.

And Sirius is more than enough to make up for her loss of him, she will never get over the way he smiles at her - there's a fluttery feeling in her stomach and she loves him and a mixture of emotions rush to her, all at once.

Godric, she loves him. So much.

_sirius&marlene, _she writes over and over again in the corner of her textbook. _sirius&marlene. sirius&marlene. sirius&marlene. _

_godric, our names sound good together. _she thinks. _marlene black. that sounds amazing._

* * *

**ix. dear** **sirius;**  
_marlene writes sirius a letter._

Dear Sirius,

Godric, I hate starting letters with 'dear'. You're probably thinking, 'why didn't you just bloody not write dear, then?', well, it just sounds weird without the 'dear'. I mean, do I call you dear Sirius in real life? Do I call Doe and Lily dear Doe and dear Lily? No, I don't.

Anyway. I just want you to know. Oh, crap, I just make a mistake and I'm not going to start all over. Nevermind. Just pretend I didn't write that. Anyway, if you ever find this letter, which I'm going to put in my upper drawer of my bedside table at my house, I just want you to know that I love you. And if I'm dead (which is highly likely, seeing as we're in the middle of a war) and you read this, then don't cry. Please - I don't want you to be unhappy or sad or whatever.

And please write a speech for my funeral, otherwise when you die, I'll kick your butt. Hard.

Also, I'm sorry if I die on you. I mean, it's not my fault that I died, but you'll probably be upset that I died, so I'll reassure you and crap - if I'm dead, then I'm probably in heaven riding a magical flying pony that is not a Thestral around and around like I've always wanted to. Yeah.

I'm terrible at writing letters, so I'm just going to end this. I love you so much, and I wish I could write to you forever so you have a piece of me for everyday, but I can't, Merlin, my hand has cramps.

Your amazing bitch of a girlfriend,  
Marlene.

* * *

**x. we'll wear our masks of bravado and fight until we** **die;**  
_in which marlene fights until everything comes to a halt._

Streaks of light flash everywhere.

A jet of electric blue lashes out of one of the death eaters' wands and hits her mother in the face. No. No. Marlene won't let him do this.

Flash.

A streak of purple light shoots out of her wand and hits the death eater in the face.

"You filthy blood traitor," the death eater hisses. "You'll pay."

Another jet of blue lashes out of the death eater's wand and hits her mother again.

Her mother lets out a shriek, before falling to the ground, lifeless.

"You- I- no!" she cries, and rushes over to her fallen mother. "Mum, mum, can you hear me? Listen to me! Please!"

"She's dead." A voice she hasn't heard in years.

"Regulus?"

"Marlene. I never thought it'd come down to this."

Regulus has changed. He's older. Wearier. More thin and more disheveled. Where is his mask?

"You don't have to kill me. You don't have to do this. Let me go," she pleads, closing her eyes.

"I do. If I don't, then another death eater will kill you, and I don't want to see them torture you and beg for mercy and kill you. I need to do this."

"Why are you trying to make things easier for me, even after all I've done to you?"

"Because I loved you. And I still do today. I love you." he lets out a bitter laugh. "I wish things were different."

"If you love me, then Regulus, you'll take a white envelope in the upper drawer of my bedside table and give it or mail it to Sirius."

A flicker of anger passes over his face when she says Sirius' name. Then his face turns back to stone.

"I will." he whispers. "Goodbye, Marlene, I'll see you in another life."

"Goodbye, Regulus." she whispers, eyes shut tightly.

"Avada Kadavra."

Her life ends with a bang - there's a light that's so blinding and terrible and _it hurts, it hurts, stop it, please, _then it stops. She's gone.

* * *

**xi. give me my beautiful hypocrite** **back;**  
_sirius wishes he could tell marlene that he loved her one last time._

"Letter for you, Black." a man in a long dark coat tosses a white envelope into his cell.

"H-has anyone else read the letter?" Sirius asks hoarsely - he hasn't spoken anything for ages. Every time he had opened his mouth, it would result in screams.

The man shakes his head. "No - it's been checked by the Ministry for any explosives, weapons or important evidence against you, but by a machine."

He gets a bitter taste in his mouth when the man says _the Ministry. _The Ministry who locked him up in here. The Ministry should be damned.

He walks over to where the letter landed on the floor, and picked it up.

_Better be something fucking worthwhile - something that can keep me sane for a couple of days. _he thought, before ripping the envelope apart, to find a neatly folded piece of parchment.

He unfolds the parchment, and the first thing he sees is _Dear Sirius, _in Marlene's handwriting.

Marlene's handwriting. Marlene McKinnon, his beautiful hypocrite they took away from him in July, last year.

He starts to read, hands shaking.

* * *

Dear Sirius,

Godric, I hate starting letters with 'dear'.

_Merlin, I remember how much you detested writing 'dear' in letters. You used to talk on and on about it, and I would claim that I was tired or bored of listening to you ramble on about using 'dear' in letters. But I swear I listened to every single word you said. I swear to Merlin, Marls, that I listened._

You're probably thinking, 'why didn't you just bloody not write dear, then?', well, it just sounds weird without the 'dear'. I mean, do I call you dear Sirius in real life? Do I call Doe and Lily dear Doe and dear Lily?

_Marls, you wouldn't believe me if I told you Lily was dead, would you? And so is Prongs. They're gone. Lilyflower and Jamie-deer are gone. I was accused of killing them - but I didn't, I didn't! I would never fucking even attempt to kill either of them! James was my best mate! Lily was my friend! Godric, I didn't fucking kill them! But here I am, locked up in this hellhole - Azkaban - regardless. Here comes the worst bit about all this - it was Peter - Wormtail, the traitor who tattled the address to Voldemort, the bastard. He killed Lily and James. He fucking killed them, even after all we'd been through together! He was supposed to be a Marauder, and Marauders don't betray each other! Fuck him! Why the bloody fuck did we trust him in the first place?_

_You probably wouldn't want to listen to me talk about Wormtail, so I'll tell you what happened to Doe. She was killed by Voldemort himself. Fuck you, Voldemort, stealing all my bloody friends. Voldemort killed Dorcas because she rejected his offer to join the Death Eaters. At least Doe died, standing firm to her ground unlike Peter, that bastard._

No, I don't.

Anyway. I just want you to know. Oh, crap, I just make a mistake and I'm not going to start all over. Nevermind. Just pretend I didn't write that. Anyway, if you ever find this letter, which I'm going to put in my upper drawer of my bedside table at my house, I just want you to know that I love you. And if I'm dead (which is highly likely, seeing as we're in the middle of a war) and you read this, then don't cry. Please - I don't want you to be unhappy or sad or whatever.

_Marlene, I'm already crying. I can't help it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I failed you. I'm sorry, okay? I'm so fucking sorry. I loved you so much. I love you so much. I love you so much it hurts me when I think about you._

And please write a speech for my funeral, otherwise when you die, I'll kick your butt. Hard.

_I did, Marls, I did. Everyone kept on saying all this crap about you, like how you weren't afraid of anything and how you were perfect - but I knew you were so damned scared and you had so many fucking flaws, but you loved that you had however many flaws because it showed you were human. I loved that you had flaws, too, flaws are what make people who they are and Godric, I wouldn't change you for the world. My speech was full of crap like that too, but I had to write something like that because none of the others would fucking understand. None of them would understand like you did._

Also, I'm sorry if I die on you. I mean, it's not my fault that I died, but you'll probably be upset that I died,

_Fuck, yeah, I'm upset about you dying. Who would I be if I wasn't?_

so I'll reassure you and crap - if I'm dead, then I'm probably in heaven riding a magical flying pony that is not a Thestral around and around like I've always wanted to. Yeah.

_Merlin, you are not helping at all. You're shitty at reassurance._

I'm terrible at writing letters, so I'm just going to end this.

_Please don't end this, I need to hear more of you, Marls, please don't..._

I love you so much, and I wish I could write to you forever so you have a piece of me for everyday, but I can't, Merlin, my hand has cramps.

_I love you more. I love you more than you ever could imagine. And Godric, I wish I could write to you forever so I had a piece of you everyday. That would make Azkaban more of a heaven than a hell._

Your amazing bitch of a girlfriend,

_My beautiful hypocrite._

Marlene.

* * *

**fin.**

* * *

**author's note: **my god, that's about five thousand words of bullshit i've written. like wow. i know that this doesn't exactly fit in with canon, as regulus dies in 1979, which is before marlene dies, which is 1981, therefore regulus wouldn't get the chance to kill marlene. i also know that means that regulus can't send off the letter to sirius because he wouldn't have known where the letter was or that it existed, because he wouldn't have killed marlene who told him just before she died. also, he died before sirius went to azkaban so there a few problems with the dates, but let's pretend they don't exist.

moving on, this is dedicated to si (accio ideas) & jenna (whirlwinds of watercolours) because si is going through a bullshitty time and she loves blackinnon and regulus, and i owe jenna this fic for month four (HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, GORGEOUS!) of gge, which i am currently behind in. whoops. regulus/marlene for you c;

the title of vi, _waiting, watching, listening to every little sign i see _is from the song _sitting on top of the world _by delta goodrem. i do not own that song, therefore i do not own the title of that section.

reviews would be nice. readers of my sirius/oc fanfic calm yo horses okay i'm writing some ._.


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